You know how sometimes things can look both grim and fabulous at the same time. It’s all in the angle or your viewpoint. Well right now that is how my life feels to me - on one hand hard and the other hand perfect.

My magic pills stopped doing their magic. My pain is back and at full force. Typing with pencils hurts. I am very tough and probably too “prideful” about that but last night I allowed myself to shed a few tears. I sit here feeling very unproductive, lazy, and sometimes pitiful because of my physical limitations.

If you look at me from another angle - life is awesome right now. The selfish side first, I have so many loving friends that feel bad for me I’m getting lots of fun free lunches and spending time with these incredible women - LOL. The more serious side, God is teaching me another lesson and for the first time I think I’ getting it loud and clear.

I have been a perfectionist since I was young. I always pushed myself to be the best. It’s good to push but not to let that go to putting you in a box and being a prisoner. I didn’t try things new or take a risk if I didn’t think I’d be good. I worry about people finding out who the real me is and the real me doesn’t live up to their standards. I won’t work on my Mary Kay business unless all the systems were in place, I learned everything there was to know, my appearance had to be perfect first etc.

I can’t be perfect now - my body acts and looks like it’s 90 years old. I need help for little things like opening a jar, putting my earrings on, or writing a Mary Kay sales slip.  Since there is NO WAY I can be perfect, I’ve stopped trying. I’m just going with the flow and actually living. WHAT FREEDOM. I don’t have to pretend I’m someone I’m not. I don’t have to push to do more and be superwoman. I can go to my Mary Kay parties and not wonder if I’m classy enough - put together enough. I just can be me and everyone has to take my “me” “as is”. For the first time I have NO control and I love it.

You know God always sees me as perfect! He made me just like He wants me - mole between my eyes and all. If we want to really live and experience all life has to offer - not trying to be a fake so we look perfect - all we have to do is have faith that God is right and we (you) are already perfect.

Letting go is like taking a huge weight off of your back.  I truly believe that now that I can’t be perfect, I’m a better friend, wife, mother, and I will grow my business to help get us out of this financial mess. Instead of wasting energy thinking I have to be all and do all, I can put that energy into finding ways to get things done in the state I am right now. I can focus on the “what is” not the “what I think it (I) should be”. It’s freeing, uplifting, and I’m SO excited about what the real me can accomplish!

If you are old like me (lol), you’ll remember the bIg campaign of … “FREE TO BE YOU AND ME” … WELL AFTER 20 SOME YEARS, I GET IT!!!! No more thinking I have to be perfect to be valued or an “asset” to this world. I am FREE and I am just ME with strengths and weaknesses.  Thank you God for making me perfect!

1. Again, preach it…sister! B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

   Comment by Kari — February 14, 2009 @ 8:23 am

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