Yes, tomorrow morning at 8:30 (they just called and changed the time), I get my scan results. I will find out if I’m cancer free or if I have cancer.  I’ll also find out what the future holds whether the cancer is still in my body or it’s gone.  Scary morning you’d say - right!?!

Well, because so many of you love me and have walked this journey with me, you want to know how I feel.  Some of you have asked me, and others want to know but are not sure how to ask me.  Let me tell you what’s going through my mind.

Wow, it’s amazing but I haven’t really thought about it that much - it comes in my mind and leaves.  I am sitting here living today and not feeling anxious, nervous, worrying, or scared.

I guess it’s an automatic safe guard after you have had one cancer and now a separate cancer to not really allow yourself to think you’ll have the “perfect ending”.  Oh I’m praying daily that I’m healed but my prayer is more like this, “No cancer would be great, but if I have to have cancer then NO more CHEMO” - lol.  I’ve never asked the “why me” before and I won’t start now.  For my family, all of you that support me and love me, and for my body, I want this cancer gone now and forever.  I just can’t say that even if I’m cancer free tomorrow morning I won’t wonder if God will need it to come back for some reason in the future. The doctor may say “your cancer free” and my next question would be, “how long”?  He can only reply, “I have no clue”.

I think a person with cancer lives the “cancer life” forever - whether going through treatment or in remission.  For the “normal” person, your tomorrow is uncertain and the length of your life is uncertain.  Living the cancer life doesn’t change that it just may make it more real. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.  It makes me watch my priorities and reminds me to “enjoy every day”!

So, I’m doing great today.  I actually had a little more energy and I have gotten more stuff done around the house.  I will be anxious as I wait for the doctor to come into the room tomorrow (so pray that my wait won’t be long) but I really think I’m prepared to hear whatever the doc has to say (except more chemo right away - I can handle radiation).  Cancer free I’ll probably allow myself to have more desserts tomorrow - if some form of treatment is still needed, I’ll probably allow myself more desserts tomorrow (isn’t it great how we can use desserts for celebration and comfort - LOL).

Thanks for caring about me and walking this journey with me.  Tomorrow, I’ll let you know which fork we’ll be taking, but remember, God already has it all planned and it will ALL BE GOOD!!!!!

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