As most of you know I’m celebrating that I’m done with chemo.  My last chemo treatment was on Halloween - yes, I was a “toxic skeleton” for Halloween (not really but the kids thought that would have been fun).

Many of you have never gone through the chemo process with anyone before and are celebrating with me.  As much as I’m celebrating that the chemo is over, it is NOT over yet for me.  I thought I’d let you into my reality - the “post chemo” side effects.

First, my legs are still very weak and I’m using my walker for most longer walks (like to church).  The numbness and tinkling in my hands, feet, and legs, can last for a LONG time and actually peak in 3-5 months or so.  So, it’s only going to get worse before better.

My taste is still very strong and that makes me have NO appetite. I knew that I had some extra weight I could loose, but not eating is not how I wanted to loose it.  Also, the games your mind play are so intense.  Any food that I had eaten during the chemo cycles when I was not feeling well make me feel sick at the sight.  Yes, I look at something and the dry heaves are instant.  It’s hard to find foods that I have not seen in the past 4 months.  This mind association can go further than food.  If I see an outfit, blanket or anything that reminds me of the sickness that came with chemo can make my stomach turn immediately.  Too bad I can’t just forget the past 4 months.

My energy may never be the same.  Those 12 hour days of work are of my past.  I have to rest after doing anything ….. laundry,  rest, pick up the kids, rest ….. it makes you feel that you are “slacking” but if I’m not good to my body and listen I’ll be right back where I was - and who knows what cancer my body may choose next time.

Finances - what’s that?!? My doctor, hospital, cancer center bills are all coming in and an I’m trying to pay a little to each one each month.  In the meantime, Lon’s business (although is having a great month this month) has had some not so good months and our creditors are calling daily.  I’m not suppose to have any stress - hhuumm - creditors calling - no stress - only God can give me that kind of peace.  My 2 jobs, teaching and Mary Kay, are both “not fixed” incomes so for me taking on more work is probably what I need to do, but then again, “stress” .. I would have to be selective in the job/hours etc.

It’s scan time! I finished the PET scan on Monday and had 1/4 the CT Scan on Wednesday.  I go today at 4pm for 1/4 CT and then next week Monday and Wednesday each for 1/4 the CT Scan.  I purposely made it every other day because of the contrast dye they put through my veins.  First, I don’t like puncturing my port every day - does get painful.  Also, the contrast can make my stomach sick so I have to drink a LOT of fluid - but again, I can’t drink many things because of that “mind association”.  Water, Hi”C”, Pepsi, Apple Juice all make me sick just looking at them!  They took a blood sample to check my kidney because the chemo I was on and this contrast for the scans can be dangerous for my kidneys.  Although just a little, my blood does show that my kidneys are not liking this so I’m being watched closer.

Just the obivous - I’m still BALD!  I would love hair now that it’s getting chillier around here.  I would love to walk in a room and not have everyone stare for a moment and then look away.  I would love to have a “bad hair day” - ok, remind me of that when I do and I complain - lol.

Bottom line - Yippie that the chemo is over - BUT - I’ll still love prayers for the “recovery” period.  It’s not over yet!!!!  I just praise God for allowing the Holy Spirit to live with in me - because even with all that’s going on - I can tell you I live in true peace and contentment - I”m not “happy” all the time, but I have joy!

1. Wow- I have learned much through your trials, my friend. As always, thanks for being brutally honest. Through your lowest of lows, the Lord works through you in amazing ways! We truly serve an awesome God. Continuing to pray….

   Comment by Kari — November 21, 2008 @ 12:52 pm

2. You are so amazing, Donna! You remind me I have so very much to be thankful for, and when I think life is hard or unfair I began to take another look at it. One big thing that I am thankful for this season is that I am blessed to have you in my life. You speak volumes and truly are a wonderful woman who God will continue to use. Where is your book deal, I’d love to see all this in print, that way even more people could learn so much from your journey. Prayers will continue for you and your family, for strength, peace, and blessings beyond your imagination.

   Happy Thanksgiving, I love you.
   Marilyn

   Comment by Marilyn — November 24, 2008 @ 8:24 am

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