Have you ever thought about how active your mind is - I mean really - does it ever stop?  My mind was on over load today and it makes me laugh.

For the past 2 days, I have felt like my food is getting trapped and not going all the way down.  I kept thinking with enough “burps” (very lady like) I would get it to move.  Last night it was worse.  I felt like I had something heavy really stuck in my throat.  Lonnie agreed with me that my throat was swollen and I had a “lump”.  The word “lump” is enough to through my whole family into a frantic state - Zavier was beside himself.

Within a few seconds, my mind was RACING!  Could I have a clot - my friend had a clot? Did Lonnie and my doctor have an agreement to NOT tell me the truth - maybe I was dying but they didn’t want me to “give up”?  I can not even begin to tell you all the “WHAT IFS” that mind came up with in minutes.  My mind didn’t wait for any facts - for time to tell - it just started working on it’s own.  By the time I arrived at the doctors this morning at 9am (I know - on a Saturday - if that isn’t bad enough) I had myself in surgery and possibly buried.

The PA that was on call is a very knowledgable staff member at CBCC.  I trust her and I know that she is “proactive”.  So, she reviewed my records, acknowledged that the chemo is working wonderfulling so the possibility of this being cancer is VERY SLIM, and she prescribed an anti-inflammatory medicine for me.  She feels from the “dry heaves” I have just strained and this will help.  Of course if by Monday it hasn’t improved, we’ll have to look into this - but her mind wasn’t racing.

So, once again, I need to tell my mind to SLOW DOWN!  We bring on so many stresses and worries because we can’t live in the now - we are seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, and even sometimes years, ahead in our mind.  God tells us to live each day to it’s fullest.  We aren’t doing that if we living today and the year 2010 (or whenever your mind is living) at the same time - lol.  Just another lesson for us all to work on daily - we may never master this lesson - but any improvements are welcome.

I have to go pick up my pills now.  I’ll let you know how quickly I feel improvement!!!

Ok … my mom got a laugh from this … today my legs are VERY weak so I’m not walking unless I have my walker.  I have the “runs” so I can’t leave the bathroom for longer than a 10 minute period (since last night - loosing weight).  SO, what blessing can I find???

THIS IS PERFECT FOR CLEANING FLOORS!!!!!  Have you ever needed to get motivated to wash your bathroom floors?  Have you thought of ONE MILLION things you rather be doing?  I have been there but NOT today.  I’m cleaning bathroom floors.  It’s perfect.  I sit on my “behind” and scrub around me - move - scrub - move - scrub - and when the “potty urge” comes, I’m only a few feet from the “white throne”.  It’s perfect.

Today’s blessing - my kid’s bathroom floor is spotlless and ready for my parents to come visit next week! Look for your blessings today - they are there!!

Well, I’m out of hibernation.  What that means is that God was faithful and walked me through the dark journey of cycle 5 and now I’m back mentally and emotionally.  The physical just has a way to go.  Over all, I don’t feel like I’m in the terrible “flue” stage where everything hurts, feels work etc.

My physical side effects are still that terrible taste that doesn’t make you want to eat - but I’m loosing weight.  My legs are like noodles but than God provided me a walker and I don’t go anywhere without it - not even potty.  I love it.  My stomach is still upset and has to “get on track”.  The worse is over though and when you are ok mentally it makes the physical easier to handle.

What’s God teaching me?  I really think that it’s nothing big, new, or dramatic, but it’s consistency.  It’s beleiving 24/7 that God doesn’t leave me and that He walks beside me.  It’s understanding that He didn’t proomise easy but that we would do this together and so HE HAS NEVER BROKEN A PROMISE TO ME. I think the bottom line - a lesson we try to teach our children - is FAITH!  Really believe and don’t doubt. It just amazes me that the “easiest” lesson is the hardest to hold on to - every day I think I’m in this alone and I forget His promises!  Read some of His promises today - and remember - HE DOESN’T BREAK PROMISES!