Yes, I should be in bed sound asleep - giving my body rest before the side effects hit - but after hearing REMARKABLY REDUCED I’m not sleeping to well.  I’m floating wide awake on cloud nine.

All night I thought about my New Relaionship with my Chemo and the Side Effects!  Up until now, I have had a very positive attitude about this chemo working.  At the same time, I have gone to memorial services for over 10 people in the past 5 years that also have had positive attitudes but they never heard the words “remarkably reduced”.  Their chemos did not work.  So you go through the nausea, the over heating, the leg pains, the coma stage, the extra shots for your blood counts, the metal taste that makes even chocolate unbearable to eat, the going potty every hour, and everything else wondering if it’s worth it.  What if it’s not working?  What if after all of this the doc says we need to restart and try something different.  Being a human being, you can’t help but wonder if this pain is worth it when you have no clue if it’s working.

Now you could say that I just need more faith.  Faith for me has never wavered.  I KNOW that my heavenly Daddy is incontrol and HIS WILL will be done through all of this.  I also know that sometimes God’s will isn’t something  I can understand.  For instance, Kyle, only 21 years old, died because his chemo didn’t work.  I don’t understand why God needed Kyle at this young age - but I do have total faith that God knows and it’s for God’s glory and it’s best.

So now that I’m “Remarkably Reduced” (I love those words), I have a new relationship for my chemo and all the side effects - BRING THEM ON!  When I’m going through all of those wonderful side effects that I listed above - I will be saying, it’s reducing more until it’s gone!  It will be worth it! That chemo and side effects are going to allow me to grow old with my hubby, be around to mold my children and help them through Jr. High, High School and beginning their own families, it’s going to keep me around so I can be the best OMA to the Barton babies when God brings them into the world, it’s going to allow me to continue to encourage the men and women at the rehab homes an help them find hope in this world, it’s going to allow me to continue to do Mary Kay and help women feel good about themselves, it’s going to allow me to continue to be active in our church and watch God work and do miracles in our city, it’s going to allow me to continue daily to praise God and work on becoming the woman He created me to be, it’s going to allow me to be here for all of my friends and to walk through life together.  I LOVE THIS CHEMO AND ALL OF THE SIDE EFFECTS!!!

It’s amazing how the 2 words “REMARKABLY REDUCED” (I could say/write that a million times) has changed my entire feeling towards today (my 3rd day cycle 4) and the next 2 cycles to come.  Bring it on - you are my friend!!!!

So, I’m be going into hiberation tonight and I should come out in 5 days or so.  I’m miss you all during that time - but just know this - my chemo is working and I’m REMARKABLY REDUCED and will be even more after this round!!!!!!  Thank you ALL for your prayers and support - God has chosen to answer with a “YES” to my healing! He must have plans for me!!! I’m ready to serve!

1. Remarkably reduced, what beautiful words! Our prayers are being answered for you and for your family. Rest well dear friend. Love you, Jan

   Comment by Jan — September 21, 2008 @ 8:39 pm

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