PSALM 116:7 (Message), I said to myself, “Relax and rest. God has showered you with blessings.”

Right now, if I had not turned down a few offers of, “Hey, can I pick up some milk for you”, we would have over 10 GALLONS of milk in our fridge. I hear God telling me, relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!

It is just mind-boggling how many people have given us good wishes, prayers, thoughts, food, gifts, gift cards, and more. We could almost get spoiled and think this cancer is well worth it – LOL – ok maybe not – but close. Tonight, Lon, Zavier and I enjoyed a Rite Aid ice cream treat on behalf of a secret Angel family that loves us! I hear God telling me, relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!

The night of my first treatment, I had to purchase 3 of those wonderful anti-nausea pills. My prescription for those 3 pills and some other pills that may be needed down the road cost me $280. Now as most of you know, we are lucky to have $10 to our names. I was able to pull together the $280 – a Costco gift card from my parents – some money I had set aside to place a Mary Kay order – some money I had set aside for my son Zavier to have for his big Legoland trip with his friend’s family. I didn’t hesitate to pull that money for the meds because I really didn’t want to “loose my cookies” for days. I hear God telling me, relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!

What if the pills were not that important – just pills that were “good to have on hand” – would I have been able to pull the “saved” money and had the same amount of peace? I can’t tell you yes – I hope I would have – but when it comes to money and security, I think that is one area that is harder to hand over to God and allow it to stay “His problem”. I haven’t replaced all that money yet, and I don’t know if I will be able to. What I do know is that Keona and I went grocery shopping today with some gift cards and a few dollars in my wallet and our needs for today were filled! We have what we need FOR TODAY. We know that GOD will provide for those same needs TOMORROW – which turn into TODAY. I hear God telling me, relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!

Do you only count BIG Blessings? Maybe that is why life is harder to hand to God. You are so focused on the “BIG” blessings that you can’t find rest. Today, when Keona and I went to Target we counted all the change we could find in the car and in my purse. Our plan was to have enough money to share a small slushy. Keona went up to the counter and came back with a MEDIUM slushy. The Medium size was on sale and cheaper than the small size. I hear God telling me, relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!

The world is an unknown. Every tomorrow is an unknown. The security of your jobs and health are unknowns. The price of gas tomorrow is an unknown. So stop wasting time trying to control or worry about those things. Instead, follow me… put down your concerns, problems, the unknowns, control, pride etc. and HEAR THESE WORDS spoken gently in your ear from your Heavenly Daddy, “Relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!”

Tomorrow (probably today by the time I post this), it will be SUNDAY! What a great time to have some fun family time or some time for personal reflection. Sit quietly, and I bet you will hear those special words, “Relax and rest; I have showered you with blessings!”

Just a quick blurb – promise! When someone asks me what the hardest part of cancer/chemo is, I now have the answer! It’s watching from the sidelines. I can handle the fatigue, weird taste, heavy stomach, being queasy, hair falling out, legs that don’t walk etc., but it’s watching your kids go on without you.

With that said, THIS IS ALSO THE GREATEST BLESSING! Last time I went through this my entire family was on hold. All of our lives stopped for 6 months. Now, because of those of you that love us and are SO SUPPORTIVE, my kids get a very “normal” life. So, I thank you with all my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For me personally, it’s just a little reality check again. I am ALWAYS there for my kids. I go to every activity to support them. I do the crazy hair days and costume days. I make treats or whatever they need. I’m the “sleep over” mom. This week, I’m watching from the sidelines. I want to be there, but physically I have to take it easy to ensure MANY more years.

So what’s my lesson? God knows the best and it’s being unfolded daily! That means when we are up to “playing the mom” role, let’s enjoy EVERY SECOND! Let’s remember when our calendar goes haywire we are blessed. Let’s remember when we are tired and yet our kids need us a little more that night we are blessed. Let’s remember on the days that our children go from “a gift from above” to “a pain in the ….” we are blessed. Let’s remember to not sweat the small stuff but praise God for every small blessing. Let’s remember to live in an attitude of praise with a grateful heart.

No small task when you are a human being. It’s so easy for us to forget the blessings when one minor upset finds our day. It’s easier to put our “comfort” before our blessings. It’s easier to complain than to appreciate. So for tonight – a night where Keona is spending the night at her friend’s home so her mom can help her curl her hair for VBS tomorrow and I’m here without her – I PRAISE GOD FOR LISA PAYNE and her willingness to “be mom” tonight to Keona!

I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes by Anne Graham Lotz: “Often, in the midst of great problems, we stop short of the real blessing God has for us, which is a fresh vision of who HE is.”

God is the provider for our family! He can provide a loving mom to help Keona have the coolest rag tied big hair for tomorrow!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel totally helpless – like there is really no solution? Many of you know our financial situation but a fast recap – Lon lost his job in IL – moved to CA to start a church – they didn’t pay us so we used ALL our resources – BAK hasn’t been accepting to Lon a “high tech” guy so he started his own business – it has ups and downs – then Breast cancer hit and our credit card debt is higher than our mortgage – NOW LUNG CANCER! Yep – needless to say that Lon and I have questions and I feel totally clueless sometimes. I saw a commercial for a TV show yesterday – not sure if it’s true or story line – but it could be our truth, “They lived in their car due to cancer!” NO, NO, NO, I’m not there and no we never will be!! We have places to go, but really, it could be us. Lon talked to the credit card people today and the girl was sweet but basically said, “Sorry, we don’t work with people”. So, at this time, I need to read and re-read one of my favorite verses in the Bible and I love it in the Message version: MATTHEW 19:26, “Jesus looked hard at them and said, “NO CHANCE AT ALL if you think you can pull it off yourself. EVERY CHANCE in the world if you trust God to do it.”

Now, God was blunt and to the point! NO CHANCE on our own – EVERY CHANCE with trust. So where does this extreme level of trust come from? How do you watch the walls close in and let go at the same time because you believe? That’s the irony that Lon and I am learning – so not there yet – but learning. The trust comes from faith – letting go that first time – feeling God working – and then learning to let go quicker and without struggle each time. We could be bankrupt in a week – who knows – but a million dollars could be growing next week on our only tree too – who knows. BABY STEPS is the answer. If you look at the situations that God has in your life to “let go and let God” and you trust and obey you’ll be amazed at the JOY and PEACE that will over take you! Then as a good parent does, God may give you something a little more challenging next time to stretch you to the next level. Well for me I don’t think it will ever be a “natural” first responds – I’m too much a “control freak” – but I’m pleased with my progress. They say after 21 times anything becomes a habit – I think even trusting God does.

Lon and I are still human beings with normal (ok – we aren’t normal) thinking minds. Living so close to Hollywood, I do wonder which actor could give up their $2000 jeans to help with my credit card payment. I do wonder when Lon advertises why a 100 websites don’t knock down our door. The difference is these thoughts are for a moment – sometimes even just for comic relief or conversation. We don’t think we have to figure this out – there is truly NO CHANCE we can pull this off on our own. We just praise God for being faithful and keeping His promises, so we NEVER loose sight that EVERY CHANCE with our trust in HIM!

What little thing do you need to confess that there is NO WAY on your own but EVERY CHANCE with God? Start today by handing that over – trusting – and then you need to be prepared to stand in amazement at the work God can do! You may like it!! I am going to have a conversation with God (ok – already done) that I would feel comfortable with leaving our lessons to TWO CANCERS – but just remember, all lessons are to mold you and shape you into the person YOU WILL LOVE TO BE!

As far as my health update – tired, queasy, little “potty” issues – but each day feeling more like myself! I figure life will be normal by the end of the week – I’ll have another week to enjoy – and then we’ll go head first into cycle two. There is always a LIGHT at the end of any tunnel!