When you hear about “Separation Anxiety”, what picture comes to your mind? It could be a baby or toddler crying as their mom tries to leave them at Sunday school for the first time. It could be a crying preschooler the first day of school. It could be Rottweiler whining when you close the door to go to work the first day they are at your house - OK, yes, I still love my Rotts! What you do NOT think about is a cancer patient who is approaching her last chemo treatment. I am having separation anxiety about my cancer center! I have been told that what I’m feeling is very normal!

Yes, I am having very mixed feeling and emotions about my last chemo treatment being this coming Monday, June 20th. Obviously, I am so happy it’s going to be over - last time for the metal taste, nausea, bone hurting terribly, etc. etc. At the same time, I am sad and anxious.

I have now gone to CBCC for blood work, a shot, or chemo treatment every Monday since January 24th. It’s been a habit/routine for 6 months! I have made friends - really good friends. I have been loved and encouraged by a handful of incredible chemo nurses. I have the doctor checking me weekly and telling me that I’m doing well. I feel safe - cared for - protected - and like I belong.

Now that the chemo is going to be over, I may not see my friends anymore. As my hair returns, I’m feeling better, and moving to be “normal” again, I have to realize that I have to learn to live with the fear that it could return. Right now, if the doctor said they found something; I’d just keep going with more chemo etc. If I let myself return to “normal” state, the fear is so much bigger - to have to “do it again”. I won’t be under “watch” from the doctor and nurses. What if they’d see something that I don’t? There are so many thoughts running through my mind.

So, as Monday approaches, please pray for me that I learn to “leave the center” without anxiety. I learn to return to the world I had before my breast cancer. Again, I have been told it’s a normal reaction - I have seen many “visitors” come back on their chemo day to be with the nurses - this too shall pass! I do understand that this shows what a blessing my cancer center was to me - they were so incredible that I cry when I think I won’t be there every Monday! I just may be a visitor on a few Mondays!

Now, big GOD NEWS! Another Blessing has come to my family today! Keona needed glasses and that wasn’t something our wallets could afford - not even for the exam. I researched and found an organization called Sight For Students. To make a long story short, Keona got to pick out her favorite lenses (Disney purple long rectangle- very stylish), the lenses will have the scratch coating, the UV coating, and the TRANSITIONAL coating (to make them sun glasses). The whole bill for exam and glasses came to $483 - Sight for Students is covering $483! PRAISE GOD! Lon and I knew they said they’d pay for the frames and lenses but we figured our little girl would have to choose from last year’s black ugly thick frames etc. My Heavenly Daddy provided my daughter - HIS daughter - with the best! I should have known!

Have you ever shed tears because of something your child has written? Keona - my 9 year old - brought home everything from school. I went through her papers and I found a Newspaper Article she had written for school. I’d like to share it with the rest of you…in her own words …. and spelling ….

Title of the Newspaper - KEONA’S FAMILY - only 25cents

When Keona came home from school, her mom said, “I have brest canser.” Keona said, “What do you mean.” Her mom said, “The doctor took out 13 lifnods and 6 were canser.” Keona wished she didn’t have canser. Keona cried in her mom’s arms. Her brother Zavier didn’t know what canser really was. Keona and Zavier kept asking questions about canser. Some of their friends made dinner or bought dinner and brought it over to Keona’s house. The Dad of Keona has suporting Keona’s family. Keona came home from school and her mom was wearing her wig. Keona didn’t now she was wearing her wig. So 20 mins later her mom took it off. I saw the wig off her head. Keona got to put it on her head. Now Keona is sad that her mom is now throwing up. Keona wishes she was better now. Keona hates seeing her mom like this. Keona wants to help her mom so she can get better. Keona hates see her mom like this. Keona’s mom is feeling real sick. That’s all for today!

Until you read your child’s words, you don’t know how they are really feeling. Obviously, this was harder on Keona than she ever let on to me. I just praise God that HE always knows what’s really going on inside and HE loves my kids more than I ever could - with a perfect love. So, HE was taking care of Keona when I didn’t know she needed to be taken care of!

Keona has been a solid rock for me - always helping - caring - and so gentle to me. I praise God for creating a wonderful little girl full of love and compassion. She is a true gift from God to me and I take that gift seriously!

I am blessed!

Ok, for some reason, treatment #7 was NOT Donna friendly. I have fatigue again - the kind you aren’t sure if you can walk across the room. I have a tongue full of sores and cuts. I have pain in my bones. I’m a little nauseous - not bad though. So, this was a mental set back. The last two were so painless I just assumed that this week would be easy too. You can tell by how much I have on my calendar to do this week - that won’t get done. SO yes, I’m a little down today!

Like I’ve said in the past, it’s Ok to be down - we are human. What may not be right is how long I stay down and what I do with it!!! So, I’m praising God for the good days that are right around the corner - I’m praising God that the LAST chemo treatment is approaching - and I’m praising God that since the only thing that helps my cut up tongue is COLD ICE CREAM so I am allowed to get a cone from McDonalds!

So, I wanted to share with you all where I stand today - not one of my best days - but it will get better! I thank you for your prayers and supports on these “off” days. This has been a LONG journey but it’s coming to the end. I just must persevere these last couple of weeks!

Once again, God shows me that in my WEAKNESS, HE IS STRONG! He is holding me and giving me the energy and hope that I needed for today to help me see tomorrow!