Back in Illinois, it was just a done deal that my parents, my sister’s family, and my grandma would enjoy each and every holiday dinner at our home. That’s what comes with having a table that seats 14! I loved it. My favorite part is decorating the table. Lon usually did most of the cooking - that way everyone would want to eat. We always had a good time and the holidays felt right.

Then we moved to Bakersfield. What was I going to do for holidays? God had that all taken care of!! God taught me that there are all kinds of “families”. He has given me a big loving family - and my Easter table won’t be empty!

God found our family “adoptive” parents/grandparents. It is hard not having your mom and dad real close so God gave us the additional gift of an “extra” set of parents. Our California parents would do anything for us - they love us like we are their blood children. They pray for us, check up on us, give us parental advice, share their pool (God picked great parents - the pool is the extra), they give us hugs and kisses. They share our happy and sad times. I know they are only one call away. There is nothing they wouldn’t do for our family!

God gave us more children (ok, never asked for more but love each and everyone so much). Scott and Shelly moved to Bakersfield needing a set of California parents. Since God gave us extra parents, we wanted to be that for them. We try to be there for them whenever they need us. We have given them a place to feel safe and free to be themselves and know they will be loved unconditionally. Unfortunately, Shelly went and got herself engaged - so they don’t attend “family” dinners as much - but we are still family! God gave us a daughter who is living in Burbank, CA. She is a strong girl beautiful on the inside and out. She is trying to break into the Hollywood action while staying true and strong to her Christian convictions. She feels that God can use her in that crowd - I would believe that’s true. She emails me all the time to see how I’m doing with the cancer. I know that she would do anything for us - as we would for her.

I have my church family. They are here to support me in prayer. The people at my church are praying consistently for our family. I can feel that soooooo many prayers are coming my way regarding my cancer and treatments. I know that God is so close - and one reason is because many more than “2″ are gathered in prayer for Lon, the kids, and me.

I have my “neighborhood” family. They are here to help me raise my kids - help with the daily routines - be there for the “unexpected” moments when we need extra love or help. My neighbor Michelle would do ANYTHING for our family. She watches the kids (took them over night for the operations), helps research medical stuff, shares all of her knowledge on cancer (unfortunately her family has gone through cancer), she “ripped” off my bandages (only a real friend would hurt you like that out of love), she even bought me “boobs” for my birthday present. My friend Jeanette made me that wonderful blanket. She too helps with the kids. She calls me to check up and see if I have any needs. Vickie has become like a sister. We can be ourselves - no make-up or hair! We share our intimate thoughts and feelings. We pull each other up when we are being negative and encourage each other when we are letting God control the day. We can speak in reality knowing that it is wrapped in love. Our kids love being together and we are a great big family.

I have my Christian family! I can’t tell you how many people - that I don’t know - have read my Blog and let me know that I’m in their prayers. We don’t even have to know each other but we still have the bond that God gave us all - since we all our His adoptive children. With a heart filled with God, the knowledge of the gift of salvation, and the common goal of serving God - all of us “believers” are family!

So, the Easter dinner table may not have as many people around it this year (due to other commitments and location issues), but my family is out there! I am SO blessed. For God tells us that we never have to be alone - He is with us AND the family He gives us is right there waiting in the wings! Take time to thank God for your family - your blood family and the family that God has given you! Don’t ever take that for granted AND don’t ever forget to continue to find people that are in need of a family - include them in yours!

Here’s to family! Guess it’s good my “whole” family couldn’t make it for Easter - my table that seats 14 would be WAY TOO SMALL!!

As you have read in my past few entries, I haven’t been as “positive” as in the beginning. Well, that has changed. No, the thought of my next chemo treatment still makes me want to “throw up”, but my heart is back to where it needs to be!

Have you ever watched Extreme Home Maker Over - with Ty… That’s one of our family’s favorite shows! We love that show because it’s not about the house - the paint colors - the way they arranged the furniture. It’s about helping a family that needs help. These designers work SO HARD for 7 days - for lesser money than doing a glamorous “design show” because they have integrity and heart.

This week’s episode had me in tears of wonderment. An 8-year-old girl - who just finished battling a terrible type of cancer (she had chemo, radiation, and 2 bone marrow transplants) - sent ABC a tape hoping she would be picked. The kicker - she DIDN’T want them to do her house - she wanted them to help the hospital so other children would get better and be happier! You see, Cassandra didn’t like the white hospital walls! She felt that if they were brighter, she would have been more cheerful which would help her to heal quicker. She was worried about all of the other children that would be in those rooms in the future.

At the old age of 8, she felt that whether ABC was willing to help her or not - she was going to get those walls painted. She purchased wire, and tons of beads and began making necklaces to sell. All the money she earned was going to go to purchasing PAINT! It was so touching when right on her interview tape to ABC she said, “I would love your help - but if you can’t help me - I’ll make it happen!”

Of course ABC helped. Not only did they have the DISNEY DESIGN TEAM do the hospital (yes, every room was done in a Disney theme - Nemo, Princesses, Buzz Lightyear - and the common room - It’s A SMALL WORLD - my favorite), ABC built this family a 5,000 sq. foot home for her, her parents, and her 5 siblings! In this huge home, was a theatre room, a HUGE bead room for more necklaces to be made, a real LIFE SIZE merry-go-round in the backyard and much more. Everything was in that home or on the property that a child needs. Why? ABC and Cassandra’s parents know that if Cassandra gets sick or if the cancer comes back, Cassandra will be called to heaven. Although praying for a long life, Cassandra’s odds are slim of living to see her grandchildren. They want to give her the happiest years they can.

Why did this show touch me so much - able to turn my heart around from depression to joy? I think it’s because I was reminded to think like a child! Cassandra had just lived through months of chemo - the baldhead and throwing up. She also had bone marrow transplants and I know from watching a friend that’s so hard and painful. She understands that her life might be short - and yet - her statement “LOVE COMES FIRST” is her motto to live by. That child has had more sadness and pain in her life than anyone should go through - and she walked away from it with a heart for others. She spends her time making necklaces to change the hospital for others! Instead of thinking about herself - her goal in life is to make life easier for others!

As adults - we loose that focus! I had a terrible week last week. I was angry and mad that I had to feel so miserable. I was ready to throw in the towel - enough is enough! You know, I didn’t think about anyone but me last week! I deserved to have it easier!

After watching Cassandra, I wonder what the other chemo patients need at CBCC?? I see the same people but I don’t know their stories. I’ve never asked and I have 5 hours where I can’t go very far! I do know without asking that there are people in that room that have it worse than I do. They may be battling cancer for the 2nd or 3rd time. They may have to have chemo everyday or every week vs. my every 3 weeks. They may have no family or church family to help them through this valley. I know there are needs!

Thinking about the room where I have chemo makes me feel nauseous. That room gives me nothing but side effects - the worse being this metal taste. I drive by that center and I feel sick to my stomach. That’s how I feel - and yet I have support and good odds to see my grandchildren! I go back on the 28th of this month for my next treatment. I am going to try to have Cassandra’s heart - and look at the people around me! I’m not sure they need the white walls to be painted Disney themes (although that may be fun), but I will try to see at least one person’s needs! I will try to remember “LOVE COMES FIRST!”

How are you doing? That seems to be the main question I’m asked. Well, let me try to explain to you just how I am doing right now! I’m tried of the side effects of chemo. I’m tried of the metal taste (yes, I talk about that so much but it’s nasty). I’m tired of being tried and this week was the worse. I’m tired of having “no side” to sleep on - my right arm is still “under construction” healing from the surgeries. My left side has the port-a-cath sticking out. I’m tired of finding hair to match the outfit. However, I keep going.

For all of you ladies - here’s my new way to have you relate to me. Ok, you are pregnant and in your 6th month. You are tired of “peeing” every ½ hour. You are tired of your stomach stretching so far it hurts. You are tired of your “boobs” feeling like water balloons. You are tired of someone kicking you from the inside. You are tired of having to hold your tummy to turn over at night. You are ready to have this baby OUT! Well, I’m almost ½ way done and I’m ready to have this chemo OVER!

When you are pregnant, you know that although you’d love the baby out - it’s not best for the baby. You have to GO THE DISTANCE to ensure your baby’s health and happiness. I must go the distance with this chemo so that I can (if it’s in God’s plans) see my babies’ babies!

I don’t like any of it. I’m becoming a bit of a “complainer”. It’s harder to look at the road of 5 more treatments but you have to GO THE DISTANCE! God has everything already planned out for us - we just have to stay focused and keeping walking day by day! So, since I can’t “be done” with chemo… I think I’ll at least need a chocolate cake “½ way done” party after my next treatment!!!!