Wow, it’s Thanksgiving Day. I was using my dear friend Kari as a sounding board a few days ago about how life is “not normal” yet.  I still have the legs issue and use my walker, the taste is still in my mouth so chocolate tastes terrible (now that is a serious side effect), all the medical bills are coming in so the creditors are calling and one is taking us to court, 5 days of scans can make you nauseous, and I still don’t even know 100% if I’m cancer free.  Kari’s reply (and knowing her it was to make me think), was this, “I guess this Thanksgiving won’t be much of a Thanksgiving for your family”.

My personality (not saying it’s good) is to immediately go to the other side - almost in a defensive mode.  What does she mean my Thanksgiving isn’t going to be a much?!?!?  Instantly, all of our blessings flooded my mind.  I have awesome kids and a husband that hasn’t left me due to being sick.  I have a house that has a big table for our Thanksgiving dinner.  We have soft beds and warm blankets.  Lon and I have jobs that pay a lot of our bills - at least the house payments etc.  I have parents that love me and are proud of me and will alawyas be here for me.  I have a “birth” daughter and “birth son-in-law” that have connected with our family and have become best friends and just found out that they are HAVING A BABY! (Prayer reguest - they have had a very hard time with pregnancy and they have had 2 babies that God took to heaven before full term so we pray that this baby will make an appearance on earth) I have an older daughter that gave us a beautiful granddaughter 5 years ago and will be delivering anytime another granddaughter.  I have friends that have gone so far above and beyond these past 4 months to show us their love and support.  I have a church family that truly walks and talks the word of God.  We are so blessed for the role models we have at our church, the opportunities our church gives to us, and the most incredible Jr. High program to help Keona in these hard years, and a fun childrens ministry that motivates Zavier to learn.  We have oceans and mountains only hours away and now gas isn’t $4.57 but only $1.79 so we just may be able to visit God’s beauty more often.  We have a “Rat” dog that God placed in our garage one day and although it’s the opposite type of dog that I ever thought I could love, Truxtun has become such a gift, being with me during my sick days and just giving me company.  We are going to have a HUGE Thanksgiving dinner today and I don’t have to cook just warm.  Someone gave our name to the Kern County Paralegal Assoc and they purchased an Ultimate Turkey Dinner from Albertson’s for our family.  We picked it up last night - will warm and enjoy today.   The funny thing is this, I could keep going for hours telling you how blessed I am!!!!

What’s our lesson for today, Thanksgiving Day of 2008?  I believe it’s that we need to not focus on things that may not be going exactly how we thought they would, but focus on our blessings.  Do you have a table to eat a warm meal on today?  YOU ARE BLESSED!  How many families in America will be eating on park benches, from the garbage cans, or may have to go today without a meal.  Let’s never forget that God has our back.  Sure, He may have to take us through hard times to mold us and shape us for the jobs He has instore for us in the future, but He has given you thousands of blessings along the way.

Today, count your blelssings, literally!!!  Then find someone that may not have as many blessings as you do, and share.  If we all share with one other person, we CAN have CHANGE.  The CHANGE we need in the USA isn’t from the government, it’s from those of us that LOVE CHRIST and need to share HIM with others!

THIS IS A FANTASTIC THANKSGIVING DAY!!!! I’m alive today (a blessing from God) and I can GIVE BACK TO OTHERS!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY FROM OUR BLESSED FAMILY TO YOURS! WE LOVE YOU ALL!

Donna

As most of you know I’m celebrating that I’m done with chemo.  My last chemo treatment was on Halloween - yes, I was a “toxic skeleton” for Halloween (not really but the kids thought that would have been fun).

Many of you have never gone through the chemo process with anyone before and are celebrating with me.  As much as I’m celebrating that the chemo is over, it is NOT over yet for me.  I thought I’d let you into my reality - the “post chemo” side effects.

First, my legs are still very weak and I’m using my walker for most longer walks (like to church).  The numbness and tinkling in my hands, feet, and legs, can last for a LONG time and actually peak in 3-5 months or so.  So, it’s only going to get worse before better.

My taste is still very strong and that makes me have NO appetite. I knew that I had some extra weight I could loose, but not eating is not how I wanted to loose it.  Also, the games your mind play are so intense.  Any food that I had eaten during the chemo cycles when I was not feeling well make me feel sick at the sight.  Yes, I look at something and the dry heaves are instant.  It’s hard to find foods that I have not seen in the past 4 months.  This mind association can go further than food.  If I see an outfit, blanket or anything that reminds me of the sickness that came with chemo can make my stomach turn immediately.  Too bad I can’t just forget the past 4 months.

My energy may never be the same.  Those 12 hour days of work are of my past.  I have to rest after doing anything ….. laundry,  rest, pick up the kids, rest ….. it makes you feel that you are “slacking” but if I’m not good to my body and listen I’ll be right back where I was - and who knows what cancer my body may choose next time.

Finances - what’s that?!? My doctor, hospital, cancer center bills are all coming in and an I’m trying to pay a little to each one each month.  In the meantime, Lon’s business (although is having a great month this month) has had some not so good months and our creditors are calling daily.  I’m not suppose to have any stress - hhuumm - creditors calling - no stress - only God can give me that kind of peace.  My 2 jobs, teaching and Mary Kay, are both “not fixed” incomes so for me taking on more work is probably what I need to do, but then again, “stress” .. I would have to be selective in the job/hours etc.

It’s scan time! I finished the PET scan on Monday and had 1/4 the CT Scan on Wednesday.  I go today at 4pm for 1/4 CT and then next week Monday and Wednesday each for 1/4 the CT Scan.  I purposely made it every other day because of the contrast dye they put through my veins.  First, I don’t like puncturing my port every day - does get painful.  Also, the contrast can make my stomach sick so I have to drink a LOT of fluid - but again, I can’t drink many things because of that “mind association”.  Water, Hi”C”, Pepsi, Apple Juice all make me sick just looking at them!  They took a blood sample to check my kidney because the chemo I was on and this contrast for the scans can be dangerous for my kidneys.  Although just a little, my blood does show that my kidneys are not liking this so I’m being watched closer.

Just the obivous - I’m still BALD!  I would love hair now that it’s getting chillier around here.  I would love to walk in a room and not have everyone stare for a moment and then look away.  I would love to have a “bad hair day” - ok, remind me of that when I do and I complain - lol.

Bottom line - Yippie that the chemo is over - BUT - I’ll still love prayers for the “recovery” period.  It’s not over yet!!!!  I just praise God for allowing the Holy Spirit to live with in me - because even with all that’s going on - I can tell you I live in true peace and contentment - I”m not “happy” all the time, but I have joy!

I’m sitting here crying like a baby.  I just put my parents on the Airport bus to go to LAX to go back to Chicago. I usually am sad when they leave but life picks up and all goes back to “normal”.  I’m not sure what “normal” looks like anymore.  A few months ago, my parents wanted to come to help me with my treatments and I dug my heels down deep.  I didn’t want them here. I didn’t want them to “see” me this way physically and just weak.  I didn’t want them to think I’m not strong or capable to handle whatever comes my way.  I didn’t want to “butt” heads with my dad - you see God didn’t hold back when he developed my dad and my “stubborn” quality.  I wanted them to be proud of me and for some strange reason I felt that if they saw that I can’t “do it all” they wouldn’t be and that would hurt me deeply.

Well, once again, does God know best or what!?!?!!?!!!!  If I can teach others any lesson that I have learn, it’s to TRUST GOD! He does KNOW BEST! The last 21 days with my parents were life changing for me - and I think for them as well.  I learned more about my parent’s love for me than I had learned in the other 46 years of my life.  I learned more about who my parents are inside and out.  I learned more about their hearts and compassion and such strong love for their children.  I learned more about our relationship and how deep it flows.  I have never felt so connected to my parents than I do sitting here at this very moment - even though I’ll be in sunny CA and they’ll be in freezing IL (trying to put that in because I think they need to get a CA Winter house - lol).  Our relationship will never be the same.  I thank God for these 21 days!

You see, I would NOT have made it without my parents.  It’s not a figure of speech but the truth.  When my muscles were weak and “distorted”, my mom spoon fed me like a baby - for a couple days.  When my muscles were too weak to hold a glass (even with both hands), my mom held the cup to my mouth and helped me drink.  When with a walker I still couldn’t get to the bathroom my parents were on both sides of me literally carrying me to go “potty”.  When my toes and fingers curled into a ball my parents uncurled them and massaged them.  When I went potty 12 times in one hour, my parents waited by the door.  Physically, I could NOT have made it without them.

During these 21 days I didn’t have to be a parent! I could sleep in and worry about my health.  My parents got up early every morning and made sure the kids ate, brushed teeth, had backpacks and got to school.  My parents learned their schedules and reminded them, drove them to and from, and spent time talking to them about their day and friends.  My parents were their parents and my children didn’t go without for those 21 days.  I didn’t have to worry about letting my kids down because of my health because my parents were perfecdt “stand ins”.  My son is wired a little differently and can be a challenge (more mentally).  My parents took time to listen and hear about Zavier’s brain and worked with him - challenged him with love - but didn’t push. They accepted him even with his little qwuirks.  Keona is a “tween” in Jr. High, need I say more.  She is going through the normal “I’m a princess and it’s all about me” phase and they loved her they way she was - brought her back to reality at times (thank you) - but again, accepted her in the stage she is going through.  As a mom, I could NOT have done this without you.

Can you imagine leaving the house to your family to take care of for 21 days - I can only imagine.  I didn’t have to do that - my parents took care of it all.  The cleaned, kept the fridge stocked, did lawn work, de-bug my patio and house, clean my back patio from a year of spider webs, washed the car and filled fluids, laundry, and more.  As the “lady of the house”, I could NOT have done this without you.

Stress - the doctor tells me I can’t have ANY stress!  Normal life brings stress but you add to that my health, and the fact that Lon’s business is doing well but has it’s up and downs and because of several down months we have creditors calling daily, stress is here.  My parent’s covered food and gas while they were here.  They covered Zav needing a new mouthpiece for his sax and Keona needing medicine for her dog.  They covered a few “unexpected” little bills.  They have set me up for gas and food for a while.  What they really did for me is to make me understand that my health is more important than my financial credit rating.  As I begin to get strength back, Lon has suggested that I try to work more hours to help cover some of our outstanding debt.  I definitly want to do what I can - but that will have to fall in the “non risk” to my health zone.  My credit rating can always be improved over my lifetime - I have to worry first about being healthy and having that “lifetime”.  I also know that my family will never be on the streets or without food, my parents will always take us in.  Being one to stress, I could NOT have done this without you.

Hope … when I had no hope and wanted to just throw in the towel during these past 21 days, my parents gave me hope.  They told me over and over again how proud they were of me.  They reminded me that I can be strong -  that I have a lot to live for - and that they would be there to help me.  They reminded me that I had the right to be angry and question why I have had 2 cancers in my lifetime, but they also reminded me not to live there but to live in the future being a mom and grandmom.  They gave me permission to be weak and they stayed strong.  They allow me to question my future and have those seconds of doubt or “what if” moments about the cancer coming back - but they showed me how I have to keep living daily and just make the most of each day even if God chooses for me to live a very long life.  When I lost perspective, they gave it back to me but first allowed me to have my “human thought”.  God showed me His strength and wisdom through my parents.  Mentally and emotionally, I would NOT have made it without my parents.

Now, they are on the road to head back to IL.  I don’t have them here and yes, I’m sad and crying and feel very alone.  I know though that these 21 days has changed my future.  Even with the miles, I will never feel separated from my parents - they are in my heart and my mind.  I feel their love. I hear my mom whispering, “we are so proud of you”.  I hear my dad telling me that he will take care of me and this time my insides don’t crawl because of feeling weak, my insides are warm because I have a daddy that WILL take care of his little girl forever.  I am SO LOVED!!!!! Mom and Dad, words can’t tell you how much I love you and appreciate you but I’m trying.  This blog is for you - to express to the world that I could not have done it without you! You went far above and beyond to love me and my family and to give of yourselves these past 21 days and I know for the future to come.  I hope my kids feel 1/2 as special as you made me feel.  I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!

I still think a CA winter home sounds good though - LOL.